Cure for Bedbugs

Would it be a GOOD idea or a TERRIBLE idea to create a Tumblr devoted to highlighting actors in under 10 episodes of The West Wing? (Basically it would be every IMDB page except the twenty or so in more than 10 episodes of The West Wing.)

Re-post — 2004: The Year Everything Broke

Here’s a repost about my, er, tumultuous 2004, formerly on the Blogspot Bedbugs.

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Nah, just hate-posted something else from that new Medium music site.

Nah, just hate-posted something else from that new Medium music site.

DELETED THAT POST. WILL DELETE THIS POST.

Link. There’s a lot of “we” happening, suggesting that there is some class of people that dug HM music but didn’t pay attention to MILEY until she was controversial. (In fact you are one of the few people that comes to mind, but you knew a LOT about Miley when she was boring, too. Still working out why this rubs me the wrong way.

Link. There’s a lot of “we” happening, suggesting that there is some class of people that dug HM music but didn’t pay attention to MILEY until she was controversial. (In fact you are one of the few people that comes to mind, but you knew a LOT about Miley when she was boring, too. Still working out why this rubs me the wrong way.

Might be wrong, but you NEVER would have said “she makes good music, case closed!” and you probably wouldn’t have said that appropriation and drug use made her “worth talking about,” right?

I just find it hard to believe that someone who paid attention to Miley enough to think she was a relatively uninteresting but made good music as Hannah Montana would have suddenly gotten interested in Miley when she started doing drugs and twerking (or whatever). Two shades of dumbass, yes, but “not very interested…but NOW I’m interested,” hmmm.

Might be wrong, but you NEVER would have said “she makes good music, case closed!” and you probably wouldn’t have said that appropriation and drug use made her “worth talking about,” right?

I just find it hard to believe that someone who paid attention to Miley enough to think she was a relatively uninteresting but made good music as Hannah Montana would have suddenly gotten interested in Miley when she started doing drugs and twerking (or whatever). Two shades of dumbass, yes, but “not very interested…but NOW I’m interested,” hmmm.

To wit, Miley Cyrus made far better music — great songwriting, professionally-polished production — when she was a teen Disney star. But nobody would call Miley Cyrus interesting back then. There was nothing to talk about. No story there. She made good music, case closed! It wasn’t until she added a few wrinkles to the equation — a little cultural appropriation here, some drug use there — that we decided she was worth discussing in some type of larger context.

I mean, there are a lot of bewildering things about this paragraph — but mostly I’m left like Lisa Simpson grappling with Yahoo Serious: I understand these words, but this paragraph makes no sense!

How could someone who actually enjoys Hannah Montana music believe any of these other things? Like, if you were paying attention to Hannah Montana enough to notice her great songwriting and professionally-polished production in 2006 (I WAS THERE) how could you possibly think that there was nothing interesting or worth talking about? Something something self-proclaimed poptimism taking away the wrong things from the right people something.

Glad to see that Netflix is keepin’ it impartial.

Glad to see that Netflix is keepin’ it impartial.

Girlboymusic on "Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell":

I mean, think about it. Someone thought Pizza Hut was a good idea. Someone thought Taco Bell was a good idea. Not just someone — many someones! Enough someones to make both Pizza Hut and Taco Bell successful fast food chains, enough someones to justify an entire corporation (even more someones) being built around the owning and operation of these two brands (plus KFC). Then all those someones thought, “You know what would be better than Pizza Hut, or Taco Bell? A combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell.” And they started building combination Pizza Huts and Taco Bells everywhere. Combination Taco Bells and KFCs. Combination KFCs and Long John Silvers. Combination Dunkin’ Donuts and Baskin Robbins.

It’s like the climax of fast-food culture: how can we make fast food — itself a mediocre imitation of other food, itself a diminished return — more greasy, more unhealthy, more quick and dirty and disposable? By jamming it into more fast food! And then a group came along and wrote a song about it, and the group insists their music is intelligent and incisive cultural commentary, but the song itself is nothing more than them repeatedly yelling the names of those jammed-together fast foods. And then another group, instead of writing a song of their own, remixed that song. And then that remix of the song got blogged, and reblogged, and quoted on Twitter, and liked on Facebook. It’s like that Lewis Black meme about how the end of the universe is a Starbucks across the street from a Starbucks. It’s like when you stand between two mirrors and see endless reflections of yourself, except instead of your own face you see everybody losing the ability to pay attention to anything for more than five seconds.

Oh, I just figured out which side I’m on. It’s a 10.

And even though that’s the best thing I ever wrote, it still doesn’t compete with this.

Tons of great comments from lovers and haters of Das Racist f. Wallpaper’s “Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell” here, but I wanted to single out some stuff I wrote about the roller rink because (1) it’s better than my published review and (2) I had a pretty intense nostalgia trip while remembering much of it.

Dave: I seem to remember there being a combination KFC and Pizza Hut near the roller rink when I was a kid (they may have just been in close proximity, but they were both PepsiCo before Yum! took over in the late 90s and really launched those combo motherfuckers into the stratosphere). One night after downing an entire extra large of orange Crush, which to my c. 6-year-old self was like extra-extra-extra-oceanful large, and then going around and around and around and around and around…well, you can imagine what those lotta smells did to me when we decided to stop there for post-skating dinner. This song is about — no, IS — that feeling of dizzying euphoria you have before you realize you’re going to vomit in the backseat of someone’s van.

Lex: Dave’s anecdote seems to capture the spirit of this thing well enough, except that the feeling you get pre-vomiting is called “nausea”, not “euphoria”, and definitely does not need to have an aural equivalent.
Dave: When you’re about to barf buckets of orange Crush there is no prior nausea warning, Lex. What you think is, “I did it! I can’t fucking believe I did something so stupid and now I’m going to be rewarded for it with a big greasy tub of –”

Cis: okay, wait, i’m so confused: for me, this song is like that point where you’re totally baked and in camden town outside the off licence that is called ‘booty wine’ and it becomes clear that human culture has reached its apotheosis in this one pun, because, dudes, booty wiiiiiiine. except, like, in america.
also wtf is a long john silver’s?

Dave: Also, Cis, I’m pretty sure the roller rink is the closest to being baked you can get at age six. There was the Party Panda who skated out and did the chicken dance on the hour. And there was a game that, as I recall, was a cross between musical chairs and Twister, where they shone several large pools of spotlight of various colors across the rink and you had to get into the one they called when the music stopped. And between spins you could play old arcade games in your SOCKS.

There’s also some excellent discussion of fast food chains and general philosophies of the current media age from Girlboymusic, which I’ll post separately.

No wait, this is probably the best thing I ever wrote.